Conflict avoidance is when someone avoids addressing issues or disagreements, often in the hope that they will go away on their own. You know the drill: someone doesn’t speak up in meetings when there’s a disagreement, sidesteps tough conversations with their direct reports, or lets things slide to “keep the peace.” It seems harmless at first, but it slowly erodes team dynamics and undermines leadership credibility.
Who's in the Hot Seat?
Coaching Client: Lynn, Director of Talent Development at a Major Streaming Service
Coaching Challenge: Conflict Avoidance
Lynn is an incredibly talented leader, but she has a big hurdle—she avoids conflict like the plague. . Many women leaders can struggle with conflict avoidance. But what does that look like in the workplace?
For Lynn, it showed up in several ways:
- Avoiding tough conversations about underperformance.
- Trying to smooth things over by agreeing with everyone.
- Holding back her own opinions to prevent potential disagreements.
But here’s the problem—when leaders avoid conflict, it doesn’t actually go away. In fact, it usually festers and leads to bigger issues down the road. Teams may feel unsupported, unclear on expectations, or worse, resentful that problems aren’t addressed.
Why Facing Conflict is Critical for Leadership
Great leadership isn’t about avoiding challenges—it’s about tackling them head-on. Conflict is inevitable in any high-performing team, and when addressed effectively, it can lead to stronger relationships, clearer communication, and better outcomes.
For Lynn, avoiding conflict meant her team wasn’t getting the feedback they needed to grow, and tensions were simmering beneath the surface. It also affected her confidence as a leader—she felt stuck, unsure how to navigate tough situations, and increasingly stressed about potential fallout.
So, we worked on changing that.
3 Strategies to Overcome Conflict Avoidance
Here are the three key strategies that helped Lynn shift from conflict avoider to conflict navigator:
1. Reframe Conflict as an Opportunity
Instead of seeing conflict as something negative, Lynn started to view it as an opportunity for growth—for both herself and her team. When you see conflict as a chance to improve communication and strengthen relationships, it becomes less daunting.
Here's What Lynn Did That Worked: Lynn had a direct report who consistently missed deadlines. Instead of avoiding the conversation, she reframed it as a chance to get to the root of the problem and help her team member improve. The result? They worked together to identify time management issues, and deadlines stopped being a problem.
2. Build Emotional Resilience
Part of why we avoid conflict is because it triggers discomfort or fear of rejection. To combat this, we focused on building Lynn’s emotional resilience so she could handle the uncomfortable emotions that come with conflict. Techniques like deep breathing, pausing before reacting, and grounding herself in the moment helped her stay calm during tough conversations.
Here's What Lynn Did That Worked: During a particularly tense meeting, Lynn felt her heart rate spike as disagreements arose. Instead of staying silent, she paused, took a breath, and shared her perspective calmly. The conversation moved forward productively, and she felt empowered for speaking up.
3. Prepare with Clear Communication
One of the best ways to approach conflict is to go in prepared. Lynn learned to clearly communicate the issue, provide examples, and focus on solutions instead of blame. When you know exactly what needs to be addressed and how you are going to say it, the conversation becomes much less scary.
Here's What Lynn Did That Worked: Before a performance review, Lynn prepped by writing down specific instances where her direct report had excelled and where improvement was needed. She then framed the conversation around how they could work together to address those challenges. Her clear, calm communication helped create a constructive dialogue.
Why This Matters
For Lynn, learning to face conflict head-on didn’t just make her a stronger leader—it transformed her team dynamics. Her team felt more supported, and she gained the confidence to navigate tough conversations with ease. It can make a tremendous difference for any leader.
Take Action: Embrace Conflict
Avoiding conflict might feel easier in the short term, but in the long run, it holds you—and your team—back. If you find yourself shying away from tough conversations, take a page from Lynn’s playbook and start seeing conflict as a chance to grow. Build your emotional resilience, prepare with clear communication, and watch your leadership skills soar.
Facing conflict isn’t easy, but with the right strategies, it’s absolutely within your reach.
Know someone that can benefit from these strategies? Share the love and information!
This newsletter is created by Phyllis Reagin, M.A., Executive Coach and founder of At the Coach's Table, a leadership development and team-building company serving the Entertainment/Media industry, To learn more about us visit here.